24.02 Guest columnist: Tiffany Markman | The Stable Door – Part I: ‘Clients to be wary of’ | So there’s a stable. With a door. That’s your old life. (You’re the horse, by the way.) Now you’ve escaped, and you’re off – free, unfettered, unbridled. On the up side, your life is your own. No fat, impatient rider. No sticky-fingered kids. No four-walls-and-a-bucket. On the down side, you have to find your own food. And roof. And future. And what if you get lonely? This column, the first of several, hopes to lift your down side. So say goodbye to the stable door, hello to your freelance life… and hello to clients to be wary of.
The Boss
First, there’s the client who thinks he’s your boss. The one who calls and e-mails long after hours, and gets upset when you return his six consecutive messages in the morning. The one who takes it personally when you go on leave. The one who’ll get in touch at 6pm, and expect delivery of his job by 8am. He’s the guy who – although he doesn’t pay you a retainer – thinks you’re an employee.
In this instance, it’s important to keep the client as happy as he’ll ever be, while maintaining your sanity. After all, you didn’t leave the cubicle to chain yourself to a pharaoh. Explain that you value his regular business and enjoy doing his work, but that, as a freelancer, you pride yourself on balanced time management, critical breathing room and taking a little longer in order to do a job properly.
The Uninformed
Then, there’s the client who doesn’t understand what you do. Who thinks that copywriting, graphic design, web development and PR are all ‘media’ and that everyone who specialises in one area must necessarily specialise in the others. This is the lady who sends you a document for editing, and requests that you design a corporate ID for it, lay it out, print it and have it delivered – in a week.
Here, it’s wise to explain that different spheres of expertise have different contractors, and that – while some creatives are indeed multi-talented – your focus is [insert focus here]. You’d be happy to refer her to the relevant individual or company, or to manage them for her for a small fee as part of the project, but you are a [insert job title here] and you believe in doing what you do best.
The Briefless
Enter: the client who has no idea what he wants. Who knows that a deliverable is required, but is unclear about objectives, target audience, message, context, format, length, style, tone and deadline. This guy can be dangerous because he often under-estimates what he needs from you – and how much it’ll cost.
So make very sure that you drag a brief out of him with your fingernails. Yes, go back and read that line again: you’ll have to make up your own brief, by nagging, asking, explaining, cajoling, reminding and even drawing pictures on a serviette. Trust me, it’s worth it in the end. No freelancer likes a job that gets costed, re-costed, triple-costed and then done, re-done and triple-done. Hideous.
The Buddy
Finally, beware the client who wants to be your friend. This is the lady who calls you up for the first time, and immediately asks for a discount. Who calls you up for the second time, refers to you as ‘sweetie’, and wants you to ‘just look at’ her kid’s Masters dissertation (450 pages), ‘play around with some logos’, ‘tweak’ a 60-slide presentation or ‘pop by’ to take 300 photos at her birthday party.
But handling her is pretty simple.
Say, ‘I’d absolutely love to [insert request here] for you. Sounds fantastic. I’ll send my quote through right away, and as soon as the deposit’s in, I’ll get right on it. Fabulous.’ As for the discount, explain politely that people who don’t want to pay a dentist to fix their teeth properly have only dental floss as their next best thing.
In short…
There are always going to be nightmare clients out there, whether you’re a wild stallion or a stabled pony. But luckily they make up about 10% of the standard client base. And most often, they’re mad enough to earn you laughs at dinner parties and networking events. Worst comes to worst, vent on Twitter (I do).
So take them and their psychoses with a massive pinch of salt, be gracious (even when your teeth are chattering in rage) and get on with your freelance life.
(If you’re interested in freelance coaching via a one-on-one online distance-learning programme that has changed the freelance lives of former delegates, drop me a line. There are special rates for Freelancentral members.)
Tiffany Markman (www.tiffanymarkman.co.za) is a highly opinionated freelance copywriter, copy editor and writing trainer who has worked for over 180 clients in South Africa and across the world. She is an EMPOWERDEX-certified EME who hates misplaced apostrophes and dangling modifiers but loves pizza and pina coladas, and she can be reached any time on
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